Sir Cliff Richard songs banned by new 60s radio station

He has sang on pop records spanning six decades, but there is no place for Sir Cliff Richard on a new 1960s radio station being spawned by Absolute Radio.

Quoted in the Daily Mail, presenter Pete Mitchell said: ‘His songs don't fit the cool sound of the swinging sixties we're trying to create on our new station'. In other words, his songs do not fit the conceptualisation of what is 'cool' by Absolute Radio.

For those who are new to Absolute Radio, here is a brief introduction. It is the current name for the former Virgin Radio, launched in the 1990s as an at-the-time much needed radio station to address the adult-oriented rock (AOR) much-neglected elsewhere on the radio.

The station already has 1980s and 1990s versions on digital radio. I listen to both sometimes, and they are good. The 1990s version does at times resemble a bad 1990s Britpop mixtape, with the inevitable top guns Blur, Oasis and Pulp, but also plays the work of many other acts caught up in the wave, some of which were awful.

All things considered, Sir Cliff is not typical of what Absolute will be playing to their target audience (expect lots of Beatles and Kinks). And I see no reason why such a big deal has been made out of the fact he will be among a number of singers who will not be finding their way on Absolute. So why make a big deal about it? The station launches on November 22nd. I will leave it at that.

Red letter day: singer Adele is looking for love

My rather dull life has been lifted by the news that the lovely singer Adele is looking for someone to love, or as The Sun describes it "someone to sleep with". Well, they have to sell the article to their audience I suppose.

If the article is anything to go by, the main qualification for any potential lover is their ability to make her laugh. This is worrying, because I thought the only thing I needed to do was keep myself looking youthful and fresh. It turns out I need a personality transplant as well - and I do not know anyone who provides such a service. Life is unfair!

Thankfully I have been working on this skill myself - trying to be funny - and quite often succeeding at it unintentionally as well. I have no idea if that is a good thing. I had to work at my humour though because nearly every female I asked about desirable traits replied "sense of humour" first and foremost. With that in mind, The Sun has done well to create a story from some rather unsurprising news that a popular singer also likes someone with a sense of humour.

In any case I will make my pitch and hope I get a response. A lot of people criticise how Adele looks because she is not a stick-thin "beauty" but I have always thought the size of lady is the difference between her looking like a girl or a hot young woman, and the former does little for me. I like the way Adele looks and sounds. She appeals to me.

She sounds great in interviews as well, bubbly and full of personality. She has a grounded nature which belies the massive success she has achieved already in her life. I would adore her and ask nothing of her. In the unlikely event we were ever married, far from her asking me to sign a pre-nuptial agreement, I would insist on signing one myself.

Back to reality, the humour is still a work in progress. Anyone know any good jokes?

Introducing... controversial teen singer Rebecca Black

If you have been anywhere near Twitter or any other social media over the past week, you may have heard of the latest Internet phenomenon, Rebecca Black. As I type she is still trending on Twitter (as she has been for much of the week). I had no idea who she was until I saw the name enough times for me to take notice.

It did not take much research to realise that this is not another Internet phenomenon based on admiration - quite the opposite. This young 13 year old girl has seemingly become the most hated person in America, for the alleged crime of singing the most atrocious song ever, entitled Friday. It has had the best part of 20 million views on YouTube, largely by people queuing up to sneer at it. There is clearly a shortage of people in the world to hate if this is what it has come to.

Curious to discover the level of atrocity leading to this public display of ranting and raving, I decided to have a listen and yes, the song is atrocious.

Oddly enough, I did not find myself paralysed with rage, or wanting to smash my laptop to relieve myself of this aural nightmare. In fact, poor though it is, the song is not the most obnoxious assault on our eardrums in the history of popular music. It is fairly typical of the rest of the rubbish that has polluted much of the airwaves since early 2010.

Vocals with the soul autotuned out of it? Check. Generic electronic backing track? Check. Banal and meaningless lyrics? Check. If anything, it fits in perfectly with the present music scene. Thank goodness for Adele.

It is mainly the lyrics that have been roundly condemned:-

"Yesterday was Thursday Thursday,
Today it is Friday Friday,
Gotta get down to the bus stop, gotta get my bus,
I see my friends and and we we we so excited, we so excited."

It is not hard to see why, but are they any worse than these abominations?

"I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you,
Every single day yes, i'm really missin' missin' you,
And all those things we use to use to use to do,
Hey girl, wuz up, it use to be just me and you,
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you."

or

"No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart,
I wonder if I take you home, would you still be in love, baby, in love, baby
I wonder if I take you home, would you still be in love, baby, in love, baby"

or

"What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps."

These crimes against literature have all been part of songs by the absurdly successful bubblegum pop act (and do not try to argue otherwise), The Black Eyed Peas. The main protagonist in this group, will.i.am has gone on to produce for many artists including Cheryl Cole and Michael Jackson, and surely made a fortune doing so.

When put into context, Rebecca Black should fit in comfortably. Bad though her efforts are, we must remember she is only 13 (What is will.i.am's excuse?). Though her song is rubbish to our ears, it would probably score at least an A minus as a GCSE music coursework project. And when I look at it like that, I cannot share the contempt that others display. I can think of many people in the world more worthy of hatred than a harmless teen.

Lady Gaga: Original?

Whether she is popping out of an egg or wearing an abomination made out of raw meat, Lady Gaga is prepared to scrape any barrel in her ongoing quest to be both original and outrageous.

It is a shame then that this level of individuality does not extend to her music. I have listened to her latest this week, Born This Way, which at best is an over-produced mess. It also happens to bear more than a little resemblance to the Madonna classic, Express Yourself.

I thought it was just me, until I witnessed similar sentiments expressed widely on the World Wide Web. Surely she can do better.